Stuck with a Capital F

Yes, you read that right--and I wish I felt as frustrated as that title sounds. Instead, I'm disappointed--in myself more than anything. This is not where I wanted to be at this point in my journey, and it's all my own damn fault.

I had hoped to be down one clothing size before my birthday at the end of this month, certainly before my trip to New York two weeks later. Short of emergency liposuction, that ain't gonna happen.

I have a favorite dress that I wanted to fit back into before going to New York. I tried it on, and it's not any looser than it was last summer. Then I realized that none of the clothes I wore last summer are any looser this summer. In fact, a few that had been getting loose last summer are not quite as loose anymore.

That tells me I'm heading in the wrong direction. While I have not put back a full clothing size of weight, I have put back a noticeable few pounds and I am not happy about that.

It makes me feel like the effort I have put in this past year has been wasted, like I'm going to be stuck at this weight forever. Clearly, to get the results that I did, I strayed a bit from my plan. I can admit that. But to do all the work I did do and be in pretty much the same place as a year ago, it makes me wonder: What was the point? And how much harder do I have to work to move forward?


With perspective gained from a night's sleep, I'm seeing things a little better now. I still doubt that I'll ever reach my healthiest weight, but I've realized that should I ever get there, I will be able to maintain it--because that's essentially what I've done over the past year. I've maintained my weight. That's not the best thing that could have happened, but it's not a bad thing, either.