A Pain in the ...

I’ve lost and gained and gained and lost weight enough times to know that I never lose or gain weight the same way twice. In other ways, I have no way to predict how the weight loss/weight gain will change my body shape.  The only certainty is that weight loss shows in my face first. After that, it’s anybody’s guess.

This time around, weight loss seems to be affecting my backside first. I know this because nearly every pair of pants and shorts I own are now too big in the behind. As I walk forward, they slide downward—often dragging my underwear with them. As a result, I have to occasionally stop walking to pull up the back of my pants.

So, you say, just buy pants and shorts in a smaller size!

I wish. The problem with that suggestion is that my front and my thighs aren’t ready for a smaller size…yet.

Well then, what about a belt?

Yes, indeed. What about a belt? Well, wearing a belt makes me look like a balloon animal: round and puffy on top; squeezed really tight in the middle; round and puffy on the bottom. Not a flattering look. While I’m not a fan of my body shape as it is, I find it much more palatable and attractive when my mid-section isn’t being cinched within an inch of its life.

How about suspenders?

I love suspenders but not on me. My chest provides a rather significant obstacle to wearing them. (Also, I’m not really sure where to buy them. Stores within my budget don’t seem to carry them.)

Don’t get me wrong. In the grand scheme of things, this is a good problem to have. And it’s a problem I know is temporary. At some point, my front and my thighs will catch up (catch down?) with my backside and I’ll have the pleasure of shopping for smaller clothes.

In the meantime, if you see a woman walking through Chicago hiking up her pants every few feet, there’s a good chance it’s me.